Appliance Violence
by RemainPhoenyxx
Summary: "I don't know what it is with men. It doesn't matter which planet they come from, they automatically assume that hitting something will somehow fix it.!" Silly little fic I wrote years ago. Rose/Nine banter.


**Author's Note:** I wrote this fic about 8 years ago during the 8th Doctor series. It's a silly little fic focused on Rose/Nine banter (they had brilliant banter).

**Appliance Violence**

"Huh. It's never done that before," said the Doctor as he squinted at the monitor on the TARDIS console. He couldn't understand what had happened. The screen had been showing a picture a second ago. Why had it suddenly gone blank?

"Can you get it back on?" asked Rose.

The Doctor examined the monitor up close briefly, then impatiently banged on the top of it with his fist a couple of times. This did absolutely nothing because the screen remained blank.

"Hmm," said the Doctor as he scratched his head. He knelt down to peer at some circuitry that was just underneath the monitor. "There might be a loose wire somewhere," he said. A moment later he stood up and whacked the top of monitor again. Nothing happened.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Somehow I don't think that whacking it really hard with your fist is working."

The Doctor's eyes widened and his face broke into a grin. He looked like he'd just had the most fantastic idea. "Rose, pass me that mallet," he said, pointing to the small, wooden object that lay on the other side of the TARDIS console.

"You're not serious? You're going to hit it with a mallet?" asked Rose in disbelief. The Doctor nodded enthusiastically, smiling maniacally. "Ask a stupid question …" Rose mumbled as she went to retrieve the mallet. As she reluctantly passed it over to him, she said in a singsong voice "I don't think the TARDIS is going to like that very much." The Doctor ignored her and started banging on the monitor with the mallet. Rose took a couple of discreet steps away from the console, not wanting to get burned in case the TARDIS suddenly decided to let out a load of sparks or something in retaliation.

After a minute or so of constant banging, the Doctor stopped. Nothing happened. The TARDIS didn't do anything. The screen didn't do anything. The Doctor looked flushed.

"Aargh!" he moaned loudly in frustration. "Why won't this bloody thing work?" He walked away from the monitor, then back to it, then away from it again. He was listless. Rose had to stifle a giggle. Although it was highly amusing to watch the Doctor tirade when the TARDIS wasn't co-operating with him, being caught laughing about it warranted several hours of the Doctor being in a huff. For a 900-year old alien with vast knowledge of time and space, he sure did act like a child sometimes.

As the Doctor sat down heavily in his chair, Rose walked back over to the console and stood in front of him. She noticed that he still had the mallet in his hand and was fidgeting with it.

"The monitor's knackered," said the Doctor. "I'll need to fix it properly." He held up the mallet. "The quick fix isn't working anymore."

"You've probably made things worse," said Rose, "banging on it like that."

"It's a tried and tested quick-fix method," said the Doctor defensively.

"Yeah, but it creates more work for you in the long run," said Rose. "If you fixed the problem properly in the first place then it would save you some hassle."

"What about if we desperately need something to work and haven't got time to fix it?"

"Then we get on fix it as quickly as we can. Hitting it with a mallet will only cause more problems that it solves." Rose looked at the monitor. The top had a couple of dents in it where the Doctor had hit it. "I don't know what it is with men. It doesn't matter which planet they come from, they automatically assume that hitting something will somehow fix it. It's like domestic violence for machines. Appliance violence."

"Oi! I resent that stereotype!" said the Doctor.

"Well, it's true," argued Rose. "Mickey's old telly used to switch itself off, and when that happened he would hit it really hard with the remote until it came back on. He never twigged that it just needed something simple inside it fixing. Eventually he had to fork out for a new telly because of the damage caused from hitting it so much. God knows, how many remotes he went through!"

"I also resent being compared to Mickey the idiot!"

"It's appliance violence! I'm sure the TARDIS would agree with me if it could talk," argued Rose. "I'm sure she doesn't like having her bits and pieces being hit with a mallet every time something goes wrong."

The Doctor rolled his eyes and sighed in defeat. He stood up and walked back to the monitor. Rose moved out of his way as he began looking underneath it again. A couple of minutes later, he got up and went around to the other side of the console and began powering up the TARDIS. The familiar whirring noise of the TARDIS in motion began, the green lights of the central column pulsating in time with the sound.

"Where are we going?" asked Rose.

"To get some parts to fix the monitor," huffed the Doctor. Rose smirked. She'd won that argument.


End file.
